Uncertainty

The uncertainty of the current trajectory of our lives due to COVID-19 is stressful for us as adults. However, children are prone to experience this based on what is happening in their homes. Are schedules being kept? Are parents talking about the virus in front of the child? Is there an age-appropriate, open dialogue between parent and child?

To be honest, at times, I feel like screaming into a pillow sometimes because I have no idea what will happen next. Will someone I love get seriously ill? Will my husband lose his job? Will my children be living in the garage any day now because they are driving me nuts? These are normal reactions and feelings. Am I dealing with them appropriately? On most days, yes. On some days, no. On the “no” days, I allow myself time to privately grieve (most likely with a glass of Pinot Grigio). I grieve because I cannot see my clients face to face or laugh with my coworkers. I grieve because I am fearful that my husband will come in contact with the virus at work. I grieve because my 8th grader cannot enjoy the perks of being able to slide at the end of an academic accomplishment. BUT...I snap out of it very quickly because I remember that I am a parent and my job is to make sure that my children are physically and emotionally safe.

So, going back to the first paragraph...Schedules are so important because structure gives children a sense of security. They know what will happen next. This is extremely important during these times because there is so much we don’t know. I enjoy not being woken by an alarm clock as much as the next person, but we need to set the standard for our homes. School hours should be respected. That being said, children should have their same bedtimes. Your children should not be watching Netflix with you at 11 pm. I understand that student course load, parent work schedules and current life events make things challenging. But do you best...that’s all anyone can do.

COVID-19 discussion is happening everywhere. Of course, it is. It feels as though it is dominating our lives. It’s hard not to talk about it when people’s health is involved. I talk to my mom in Pennsylvania or my friends on my daily walks (which have gone from 3.5 miles to 4 to allow for more adult-virus chats). I try not to talk about it when I am with my family because it takes away from our time together and frankly, it stresses everyone out. Everyone knows that it’s happening so no need to reiterate that fact.

Lastly, if your child asks questions about the virus, answer them simply but honestly. For example, if Florida has a Shelter in Place Order, then tell your child that the health officials feel that this is the best way to keep us all safe. If someone you love is ill, be honest with your child but ensure them that the loved one is getting good care. Let your children share their concerns with you.

Most importantly, children will follow your lead. If you are stressed, see paragraph 2. Try to take this crisis one day at a time. And remember, if you need help, just reach out. I am here for you.

Linda Gurt, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

www.breakthroughsnf.com